Bag of Dicks

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Martin Hash
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Bag of Dicks

Post by Martin Hash » Mon Jan 01, 2018 10:37 am

At my house, there really is a “naughty or nice” clause in the gift contract, and if you've been very, very naughty, you could get a bag of dicks, literally. For example, my daughter, Heather's, fiancé, David, told her it was okay if I didn't get him any more gifts that involved genitalia, I guess he didn't like what I got him last year, a kangaroo scrotum bottle opener from Australia. So, instead this year, I got David a statue from Peru of a male and female engaged in doggy-style coitus. It's a cup but I'd don't think David is going to be drinking out of it?
IncaErotica.jpg
We all opened our presents in regular Christmas uproar. My mom brought over our 6-year old niece, whom we had never met before. She wanted to explore the house instead of eating, then she played with the Circus Train around the Christmas tree; the rest of the time she rode the battery-powered elephant around the house.
Kaylee.jpg
Heath's fiancé, Jessica, got out her camera when Heath started unwrapping a larger, heavy box with no giver listed on the tag.
“Who gave you that?” Jessica asked, taking a video.
“Santa?” Heath replied, curious.
Heath finished unwrapping. The box contained a closed red bag. Heath untied the knot and looked in it. He didn't say anything.
“What's in the bag, Heath?” Jessica asked.
“Nothing.”
“There's nothing in the bag?”
“Do you want to look?” Heath pushed the bag nearer Jessica with his foot.
“Heath won't tell what he got in his present!” Jessica said loudly.
That got my attention, I grabbed my video camera and rushed over to the bag, picked it up and shook the contents out onto the floor.
“It's a bag of dicks!” I exclaimed.
Everybody looked at the 8 to 10 inch long rubber cylinders.
“What are those?” my 78-year old mother asked.
“They're candles, Grandma,” Heath replied.
“They don't look like candles?” my mom said.
“I don't know what else to say, Grandma,” Heath said slowly. “Do you want one to look at?”
“Oh, good heavens, no!” my mom exclaimed. “I'm too old for candles.”
Heath didn't open anymore presents, and I noticed he was still sitting while we were cleaning up.
“Did you pick up your dicks, Heath?” I asked.
“This is definitely a White Elephant gift,” Heath was thinking out loud of a way to get rid of them.
I tried to be helpful. “You need to clean those dicks before you give them to somebody else, they're covered with dog hair.”


When Heather & David were leaving, and Gwynne noticed David's chagrin at holding his anal sex cup, she commented, “You didn't get the worst present, dear.”
David thought for a moment and smiled. “No, I didn't get the worst present.”

Of course, since all those dicks were just laying around, we had to get a Christmas picture.
Family with Dicks.jpg
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heydaralon
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Re: Bag of Dicks

Post by heydaralon » Mon Jan 01, 2018 10:52 am

This may be the best Martin's Minutes I have had the pleasure of reading
Shikata ga nai

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C-Mag
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Re: Bag of Dicks

Post by C-Mag » Mon Jan 01, 2018 11:25 am

Marty, you hosting your own Banquet of Chestnuts?
http://italy.forumotion.com/t175-banque ... gy-of-1501
No wonder you invited us all to Xmas :?


Why does your wife have a towel around her's............ has it been soiled ?
PLATO O PLOMO


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Okeefenokee
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Re: Bag of Dicks

Post by Okeefenokee » Mon Jan 01, 2018 11:51 am

:snooty:
GrumpyCatFace wrote:Dumb slut partied too hard and woke up in a weird house. Ran out the door, weeping for her failed life choices, concerned townsfolk notes her appearance and alerted the fuzz.

viewtopic.php?p=60751#p60751

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Martin Hash
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Re: Bag of Dicks

Post by Martin Hash » Sat Apr 07, 2018 10:00 am

Scrotum Bottle Opener.jpg
My first gift to David: a kangaroo scrotum bottle opener.
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Martin Hash
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Re: Bag of Dicks

Post by Martin Hash » Sat Apr 07, 2018 10:01 am

Peru Bobble.jpg
During the most recent trip to Peru, I saw this penis Bobblehead. (He's wearing the Peruvian futbol team shirt.)
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Martin Hash
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Re: Bag of Dicks

Post by Martin Hash » Wed Nov 28, 2018 8:53 am

It's Christmas time again, and Heath got an exploding tube of dicks from some unknown Santa.
Box of Dick.jpg
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Speaker to Animals
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Re: Bag of Dicks

Post by Speaker to Animals » Wed Nov 28, 2018 8:56 am

That is genius.

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C-Mag
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Re: Bag of Dicks

Post by C-Mag » Wed Nov 28, 2018 9:00 am

It's a brutal penis patriarchy over there in Hashland.
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Re: Bag of Dicks

Post by SuburbanFarmer » Wed Nov 28, 2018 9:32 am

Magnificent
SJWs are a natural consequence of corporatism.

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