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Martin Hash
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Post by Martin Hash » Tue Nov 21, 2017 9:21 am

My new grandson is growing up in Peru so I need to learn Spanish. I've tried Spanish for years but am too embarrassed to practice with anybody real, but I do practice with my Spanish App, Duolingo. One of the weird sentences that was easy to learn was “yo alcanzar el techo,” which means “I reach the ceiling.” There's a reason that phrase stuck in my mind because I have a long history of ceiling reaching, and not a particularly good one.

I built my house, well I was the General Contractor, so when things go wrong with the construction, I feel a personally responsible. For example, instead of water heaters, I put in on-demand heating so my wife, Gwynne, could stand under the hot shower as long as she wanted to. Then pipes froze and burst, and dirt got in the line which clogged the safety diaphragm of the on-demand. The reason I know there're Guardian Angels is because a second before the superheated hotwater line burst into my face, I had stepped behind the wall to think about what to do about the gurgling. My life was saved but 100s of gallons of water filed the attic, eventually causing the ceiling to collapse, and a torrent of water to run down the stairs. (Funny, it was the ceiling over the pool table, which filled up with water, creating a pool... A “pool” table, get it? Ha-ha, but that was the only thing funny about it.)
Ceiling small.jpg
I missed my favorite uncle's funeral to take care of the mess. My son, Heath, repaired the ceiling but it left a huge scar that I promised myself I'd do something about for years. Finally, I came up with the idea to put ceiling tiles over the patch. I told Gwynne my idea... She hated it.
“You glued a giant picture of a giraffe's head on the ceiling of the bathroom. Now, anytime I take a pee, that thing's staring at me. I think that one clever ceiling idea a year is enough.”
“But I'm going to paint it gold.”
“Gold! That sounds terrible, and you didn't even buy the right tiles. These aren't what we picked out. Take them back or throw them away.”
“Something's better than nothing,” I told her, sagely, but her look told me that my go-to reason for doing things wasn't sticking.
Speaking of “sticking,” I tried using 2-sided sticky tape to put up the ceiling tiles, and it was a lot more difficult than I imagined, and it took longer than I thought, and it didn't look as good as I'd envisioned it... And it fell down. One night, there was a crash upstairs that woke everyone up but I didn't investigate because I had a bad ceiling feeling.
In the morning my daughter, Heather, told me, “your ugly ceiling fell down.”
“Yo alcanzar el techo,” I replied.
Gold small.JPG
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Re: Ceiling

Post by DrYouth » Tue Nov 21, 2017 9:24 am

Jesus Marty...

Your life is never-ending entertainment.

Sitcom worthy, certainly!
Deep down tho, I still thirst to kill you and eat you. Ultra Chimp can't help it.. - Smitty

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Re: Ceiling

Post by K@th » Tue Nov 21, 2017 9:26 am

Dude, you are rich. Hire someone....
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