Facebook Marketplace

[Martin Hash]

My wife, Gwynne & I, were in California visiting relatives, and during some downtime I clicked one of the new buttons of Facebook, something called “Marketplace.” I was instantly mesmerized. Of all the times to find great deals on used stuff in my hometown, Vancouver, Washington, I was in California, and would be for another week, and my son, Heath, wasn't home to go get the items I just had to have: “Victorian Queen Anne Chair & Loveseat For only $1,” “Glass Dining Table w/ Swivel Chairs for $60,” “Fisher Price Talking Zoo for $25,” and “9 Crab pots for only $40.” I just knew I would lose those amazing items if we didn't get home soon, and we did, almost...

FB Marketplace 5.jpg

After pestering Gwynne to contact the guy about the dining table, she made an appointment to drive out and get it. There was no question in my mind it was going to be great. The table was in Scappoose, over an hour away along the Columbia River, and we didn't have any way to haul it. Heath's old truck was sitting out back but it was unlicensed, had no insurance, the bed was full of construction debris, and it wouldn't start, but the heat was in me. First, we had to clean out the truck bed; that was a dirty hour-long job, then get it started, and excitedly, off we went, keeping an eye out for cops.

The guy lived on a back road in an old trailer. I still don't know why we didn't just turn around right then, but we'd already gone this far, and a mix of curiosity & avarice overcame good judgment. The
creepy guy who opened the door in a wife-beater t-shirt & greasy, grey mullet talked like he was gay. We had entered Bizarro World; I became mute. The table was a piece of shit. Gwynne stood there with her mouth open, not knowing what to say: "Will you take $50?”
Of course the guy jumped on that.
Tying it into the back of the truck, Gwynne was crestfallen. "He said it was in excellent condition," she complained.
"Let's just go," I said, wanting to get the hell out of there.

When we got home, Heath's fiancé, Jessica was there. She saw the table wrapped up in a blanket in the back of the truck.
“Did you get a new table?” she asked, excitedly.
I only said, “Facebook Marketplace.”
Jessica's face dropped. "Oh," she murmured. "Yeah, I should have warned you. I joined a Support Group to stop buying things off the Marketplace. The $50 cork-topped wine barrel smoking pedestal put me over the top. I just couldn't stop myself," she confessed. “But even after, Heath bought a funhouse basketball game, mini smelt smoker & a water trampoline. I keep trying to distract him every time he lingers on his phone more than 5 minutes.”
“So, it's contagious.”
“I think so,” she agreed.
"You should have grabbed me around the shoulders & wrestled away the keys."
Jessica smiled weakly. “Sorry.”
I put the table & chairs on the back patio with the other big Facebook Marketplace purchases.

Our friend, Jason, came over to fix a wifi hotspot that had gone out in the Guest Room. I made some small talk, careful not to give away my intention. Finally, I wormed in, "Hey, do you want a table & 4 chairs?"
At first Jason looked interested then his eyes got suspicious, and he asked, "It's not something you got from Facebook Marketplace is it?"

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[heydaralon]

I have some male bathing suit netting that I would be happy to sell you Martin. It has some yellowish brown stains but a careful washing will help get rid of them. There's all kinds of stuff you could do with it. Send me a private message if you are interested. I can't promise that I can hold on to the netting because several members on the forum have already inquired about the price.

[SuburbanFarmer]

haha you should check out Craigslist > For Sale > Farm & Garden. There's a lot of cool stuff you can get there, like chickens/mowers/farm equipment. It's a lot of fun just to scroll through.

[Martin Hash]

I sold my purple PT Cruiser with the flowers all over it. Now I'm putting up my foosball table. I can't stop myself...

PT Cruiser 1.jpg