Haven Out-Havened Haven

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Martin Hash
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Haven Out-Havened Haven

Post by Martin Hash » Thu May 25, 2017 4:34 pm

My cousin was getting married down in Santa Barbara, California. It was hers & his second marriage so they were making it small, close family & friends, ceremony in the courthouse, reception at a local restaurant, picnic in a park in Huntington Beach. My youngest son, Haven, said he was coming in from Peru, a long way but very much a Haven trademark. The last time I and my wife, Gwynne, had seen Haven was in Vietnam last Christmas, when he flew in for a few days then back home, which is what Haven does. At that time we met his Peruvian girlfriend, Mirian, but it was difficult getting to know her because she didn't speak English & we don't speak Spanish.

Gwynne & I drove our car the 20 hours to the where the wedding was taking place, arriving within 30 minutes of the scheduled time, but Haven's 18 hour flight from Peru plus 2 hour drive from Los Angeles, caused them to miss the wedding photos, which is Haven-like, but he & Mirian did make the ceremony, as per Haventude. Afterwards, there was a reception at a local restaurant where my mom whispered to me asking, “Is that an engagement ring on Mirian's finger?”
“Could be?” I whispered back, “It would be very Haveny to be engaged but not tell anyone.
Gwynne & I offered to share our motel room with Haven & Mirian, and Haven-like, he wouldn't say, but after an hour or so, there was a knock on the door at 1 am & they came in. I was lying on the bed facedown, exhausted. Gwynne was reading.
Haven said, “Mirian has something to say.”
I didn't get up, too tired, figuring Gwynne could take care of whatever Haven-thing needed to be done.
Mirian doesn't speak English but apparently she had practiced saying, “We are getting married.”
I wasn't sure if I'd heard correctly, Mirian does speak softly with an accent, and I was tired, but I hoisted myself up to hug her & shake Haven's hand. “That's great! Congratulations.”
“When are you getting married?” Gwynne asked.
“Tomorrow,” Haven said.
“Here, tomorrow?” I asked, doing the math.
“No, up in Sacramento so Grandma can be there.”
Now we were getting into uncharted Haven territory. I knew not to push the topic because the easiest way to know nothing about Haven is to ask him something, so I just waited for more information. None was forthcoming.
Wedding Announcement.JPG
Apparently, Haven had looked up getting married in California, and though he wasn't sure if Mirian, on a B1 visa, was okay, he thought so, and, anyway, Plan B (there's always a Plan B with Haven) was to drive to Tahoe if California didn't work out.

My cousin's picnic was in the afternoon, so Gwynne, Haven, Mirian & I spent the morning at the Santa Barbara zoo. When you're dealing with Haven-stuff, you have to take the opportunities that present themselves, so while at the zoo, we bought butterfly wings, animal tails, elephant hand-puppets, sloth necklaces, animal wrist-slappers & plush-toy suckers for our wedding motif. I'm sure the zoo gift store had never had a sale like that, nor had they ever been used before as a wedding decorator.
Santa Barbara Zoo.JPG
On the way South for the picnic, Haven wanted to stop at McDonald's, Carl's Jr., Jack-In-The-Box & Walmart because Mirian had never been to any of those places. She bought a Sponge Bob piñata for the wedding, and candy to fill it, plus some party favors. The car was packed.
Sponge Bob.JPG
At the picnic, my cousin donated her wedding bouquet to the Haven-cause; she just asked to get the vase back, then we drove the 8 hours to Shingle Springs where Gwynne's mother lived. The other family members attending my cousin's wedding made quick arrangements to rent a car, and my mom, my aunt, my sister, and my cousin's sister canceled their airline reservations, and rented a car for the trip. My mom, who's 77, and my aunt, who's 74, both get carsick but they were troopers. If you want to be with Haven, you have to suck-it-up.

We arriving at 3 am: I tried to get some sleep but I'm one of those people who plans things ahead of time, and even though we were in Haven-land, the idea of a wedding with 12 hours to go, was tough to just ignore. I figured I could help preparing a Plan C, so I used the early morning hours to get online and become an “ordained minister,” just in case we couldn't find one on such short notice.
We had texted our son, Heath, and daughter, Heather, to drop everything & fly down for Haven's snap wedding, and they weren't even surprised: they'd grown up with Haven, and always figured any wedding he was involved in would be something like this. They made quick excuses at their jobs and were waiting for us when we got there. Gwynne asked me if I was going with Heath & Haven, and I said yes. Apparently, she had asked Heath if he was going with me & Haven, and he'd said yes, so when we got in the car and I asked Heath where we were going, he asked me the same thing. Haven was in the back seat, and we both turned around.
“Where are we going?” Heath & I asked simultaneously.
“I'll show you,” Haven answered. Like most Haven-answers, he didn't elaborate, but using his phone, he told Heath were to drive.
It was a Tuxedo shop next to a “Guns & Ammo” store. We walked in, and when the proprietor offered to help us, Haven told him he wanted a tux. The proprietor helped him out while Heath & I walked down the street to a Mexican food place for some take-out taquitos & guacamole: we were starving. Haven-work makes you hungry.
We returned just as the tux guy was telling Haven when to pick up the tux after alterations & pressing. I said, “We're taking it now.”
“Now?” asked the proprietor, perplexed.
“The wedding is in 4 hours,” I explained.
The proprietor hid his chagrin well, wrapped up the tux & some dress shoes, smiled helpfully.
Haven Renting Tux.JPG
“There's a barber shop in the tattoo place,” he suggested, looking at Heath's overgrown, tangled mess of hair.
Heath wasn't about to get a haircut but Haven thought it was a good idea so we waited while he got his beard closely trimmed & hair faded. Haven said he didn't have time for a tattoo.
Haven Getting Haircut.JPG
Heath & I figured we were heading back to the motel to pick up our clothes but Haven had other ideas. It turns out he'd contacted his friends, and 3 of them were arriving at the airport & we had to pick them up, which was totally in the other direction: there was no way we were going back anywhere.
After picking up his friends (Who flew to California with no notice! Those are GOOD friends.), we drove into downtown Sacramento. Turns out Haven had booked his wedding online with the County Clerk's office the night before. They had one opening, which is Haven-luck, and we were there to see what was required for the Marriage license. While waiting for the bride to arrive, which was Gwynne's responsibility, Haven bought a Wedding ring set from the Clerk.
Wedding Rings.JPG
Haven said he was hungry, so I jumped into action since I grew up in Sacramento, and we 6 guys had an impromptu Bachelors Party at a Rib & Whiskey place near the Governor's Mansion: shots & beers all around, and still an hour to spare before the wedding.
Impromptu Bachelors Party.JPG
Unfortunately, at the bride end of things, the situation was critical. Mirian wanted her hair done, new earrings, her wedding gown hemmed, boutonnieres, and a big wedding collage of photos for everyone to sign. (Did I mention she doesn't speak English, and none of the people with her did either.) Unbelievably, with amazing coordination, luck & organization, they were able to pull off the impossible. And even though not everyone could make it by the wedding appointment due to last minute tasks, luckily, the Courthouse timetable slipped exactly enough so that as the last straggler came through the door panting, they only needed to walk to the Ceremony room benches & sit down as the wedding began.
It went perfectly. We were the last ones scheduled for the day so we could stay in the room & take pictures, Gwynne had brought a clean shirt for Heath, everyone had phone cameras, couldn't have worked out better.
Wedding 2.JPG
Wedding 4.JPG
After getting kicked out of the building because it was closing, we went to a nearby park to break the piñata, and take pictures with the animal tails & butterfly wings. Little kids in the park loved the spilled candy. Then Haven Googled a nearby restaurant that was open, so we went there for the Wedding Banquet of whatever was on the Happy Hour menu, and gave away the hand-puppets & wrist-slappers as gifts. That only lasted an hour because everyone had to be back at the airport to fly back home, including Haven & Mirian, who had an 18-hour flight back to Peru ahead of them.
Wedding Banquet.JPG
When everyone had left, Gwynne & I picked up the mess, loaded up the car, and drove home in silence.
Finally, Gwynne said, “Haven has out-Havened Haven.”
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Re: Haven Out-Havened Haven

Post by DrYouth » Thu May 25, 2017 6:29 pm

That's some crazy shit...


Good looking couple.

You are some seriously good sports... bordering on enabling, perhaps... but impressive. :)
Deep down tho, I still thirst to kill you and eat you. Ultra Chimp can't help it.. - Smitty

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Re: Haven Out-Havened Haven

Post by merileeblee » Fri May 26, 2017 8:30 pm

I love it!!

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Re: Haven Out-Havened Haven

Post by skankhunt42 » Fri May 26, 2017 8:33 pm

There is an Indy movie in here somewhere!
"just realize that our Welfare states are also propped up by your Warfare. You're not actually defending us from threats, but you are propping us up by fabricating threats to maintain the Perpetual War." - Smitty