Oklahoma Walmart

[Martin Hash]

My wife, Gwynne, and I were buying soda & beer at a gas station along Route 66 in Oklahoma.
“You want a bag for that beer, honey?” One cashier asked me.
“Nope. I’m gonna drink it,” I replied with a slight country affect, trying to fit in.
Gwynne was standing mesmerized in the other line listening to the conversation of the women ahead of her.
“Did you hear about that woman who had a baby in the Walmart? She was in some pain and thought she had to poop or was having a miscarriage, and went into the bathroom. I was there thar right after it happened but didn’t see anybody. They say it was a little girl. I didn’t get the name,” said one woman in a thick Oklahoma accent to the cashier.
When we got back into the car, Gwynne told me, “I want to find that Walmart.”

Walmart.JPG

The cars in the Walmart parking lot made bird noises as we walked by them. At first I thought it must be some kind of proximity alarm but the chirping & screeching was so random, I stood and watched until a small black bird jumped out from under the car and flew away. Though that was somewhat odd, what was really surprising me was the number of motorized carts and wheelchairs in a store; it was like Rush Hour in Portland. It took 20 minutes just to get down the aisles, so I spent the extra time looking at the trendy local Walmart t-shirts.

Trendy Local T-Shirt.jpg

I got separated from Gwynne when I stopped to buy some never-seen-before Diet Coke flavors of Twisted Mango, Blueberry Acai, Strawberry Guava & Zesty Blood Orange. I waited so long at the registers that I finally called Gwynne to ask where she was. She replied that she was stuck in wheelchair traffic and would be there soon, but the overhead 50s music was so loud, I couldn’t exactly hear what she was saying, probably something about being disappointed that nobody was having a baby.